Friends & Family

shutterstock_149537339Friendships in my life are interesting, but not necessarily easy.  I try to relax and enjoy them for what they are.  Rew comes and goes easily and he has a casual way about him that makes me feel comfortable.  Some people just have a way about them that makes you feel at ease.  Rew has that ability.

I need to work at being me.

I don’t feel that way around everybody.  I wish I could.  Confidence is not something I lack, but being comfortable in my own skin takes some conscious effort.  Sometimes being true to myself is a struggle.  If I don’t make a concerted effort to stay centered and present in the moment, I tend to compromise who I am.  Am I the only person who deals with this?  Have you ever sat at a dinner table with a group of people and felt out of touch, out of place?  Alone?

I don’t fit in.

Back in high school there were times when I just didn’t quite get it.  Groups and clicks with their obsessions with this or that were not my thing.  I didn’t buy into trends or fads that never made sense or were simply ridiculous.  Does it really matter what advertisement is sprawled across my t-shirt?  There are things that do matter like family and friends.  Maybe losing my mother at a young age highlighted those values.  To fit in I would occasionally buy that t-shirt or try a new trend, but I was just pretending to be something I was not.

I try to not be difficult.

Not that I would compromise my convictions or beliefs, but there are times that avoiding conflict is easier than standing my ground.  Walking away to avoid unnecessary confrontation can be a wise choice even in the face of my stubborn pride.   The other day grandmother Gabriel and I had a slight disagreement about using freecurrent for unconventional things like charging my MP3 player.  She didn’t understand and was being unreasonable about it.  Finally I just let her have her say and then let it go.  If I can control my mind, I can control my mouth and I can avoid saying words that might hurt.  She and I seem to have a way of butting heads.  Maybe we are too much alike.  I love her and have to keep that in mind when we disagree and watch my mouth.

Sarcasm comes easy.

I try to give people grace, but sometimes my critical sarcastic nature won’t be suppressed.  Recently Jessabelle’s brother Jacoby began hesitating and balking when it came to leading the kendrites to become involved in the annual festival.  He can be very difficult to deal with.  I suggested that maybe his time would be better spent chasing his tail or maybe he should find a nice secluded den to hibernate in.  If looks could kill.  My brother Jacob, the peacemaker diplomat, stepped in and skillfully convinced Jacoby of the benefits to be gained by participating.  Jacob has a gift.  He genuinely likes people and can be friends with anyone.  To him it is natural.  For me it is work.

Nicholas and Tempest both tell me that I am a good friend at least to them.  I suppose I am.  I just wish it was easier.  Relationships require sacrifice.

Categories: Friends and Family

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